Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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