i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
