So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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