Four minutes until I can fart!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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