I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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