even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I think a kid would responsible me up
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
