When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You made out with two different species that night
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
