I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
