You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
