i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
