I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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