im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
