You can't special order awesome
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
