I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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