Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize