I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
