I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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