I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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