I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
