honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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