So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
