Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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