So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
So many bounce houses so little time
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
