I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
