Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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