So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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