Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
