Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize