Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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