New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
