I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
