i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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