I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
