somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize