Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
