I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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