It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
