i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
