is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
