Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
