Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
