somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
