we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
