Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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