Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
