I'm going to jail i love you
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
