Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
