this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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