And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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