my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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