and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
