do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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