just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
This baby is an asshole
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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