Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
