wanna go halves on a baby?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
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