Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
