im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
