I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
