it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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