she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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