I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
