i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize