i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
