A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
