Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
