You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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