where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My ass is underappreciated
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
