I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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