How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
