I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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