Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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