Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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