well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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