I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
