Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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