Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
