dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
