making cat noises will not fix the situation.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
