I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
