she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
