Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
