The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
