bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I fill condoms, not promises.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
