She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
