So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
All the doctor said was why
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize