she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
