fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
