The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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