Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
