we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
