i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
