Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
