just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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