So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
