I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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