I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I cut my penus on the lid.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
