im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
