If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize