Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
