i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize