I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
