Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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