just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
