they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
