dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
