how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
