Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
