I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
