dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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