you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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