I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
